Part 3 & The Future

I can honestly say I am still healing from the loss of our child but God is our wonderful Healer.

About a month later, around the 15th of June I was actually feeling the same way I had been right before I took the previous pregnancy tests but thought its probably the hormones going away still? Out of the tiniest sliver of hope, knowing I was probably about to let myself down in a big way I decided to take another pregnancy test. Danny wasn't home this time which was fine because I knew it would probably be a long time until we would be pregnant again. I took it and waited, I could see nothing, it was negative, devastated for some odd reason I left it on the counter and went on my way. Grasping at any hope I could find I went back 10 minutes later and looked again. At that point there was an EXTREMELY light line telling me I was pregnant, BUT I truly thought it was just from left over hormones from the miscarriage. I called Danny and was crying because I didn't know what to do, he agreed it was probably left over hormones and said I should just call the Dr.

I called and talked to a nurse and told her the whole story and she says, "Hunny, when you have a D & C the hormones are gone within the first week, there is no way there are left overs over a month later, Congratulations sweetie, you ARE pregnant!!!" I cried. I praised my God, and I prayed. I was TERRIFIED. The nurse immediately made me an appointment for the next day to watch me closer than before. I immediately called Danny crying and told him. Like me he was very reluctant to be excited but we prayed.

The Dr. appointment went well, and the baby was about 5 weeks 6 days and had a great heart rate. It looked like a little jelly bean and I just prayed and prayed while they looked at it on the ultrasound. Everything went well the next 3 weeks and in early July I had plans to be in California to be in my friend's wedding. I was so excited! Being out there would be a nice opportunity to visit with friends and family which I was really looking forward to.

After a few really really nice days spending time with my mom and dad I woke up and went to the restroom, only to find that I was bleeding. COMPLETELY devastated and a mess I screamed for my mom and told her. She said lets get you to the hospital now and we told my dad and left. I was so sad. I prayed a lot on the way and called Danny to tell him. He was so sad. He was actually at Bible Study at that time and said he would be praying and to call ASAP when we found anything out. I wanted him there so badly. I was admitted and the Dr. immediately ordered an ultrasound. I was so nervous but I knew my God was in control and I can say I did trust Him with this. As the lady did the ultrasound, at first they don't let you see it just in case the baby has died, but right when she turned the screen to me I knew the baby was ok! She said "Look, there's your baby's heart beat!" She couldn't tell me much more and brought me back to my room.

I told my mom the baby's heartbeat was still there and I saw a flood of relief on her face. The Dr. came in and said the baby was still doing ok, but that there was a tear in the tiny placenta, and that it was serious, because the baby was so young, about 9 weeks, he wasn't sure if it would be ok or not. We ended up leaving and I called Danny and told him. My mom and I agreed that the safest place for me was home in Colorado with my hubby and my Dr. We scheduled my flight out for the next morning and I had a Dr. appointment at my Dr. later that day.

My sweet friend who was getting married in just a few days was so sweet and understood. I landed back in Denver the next morning and we went straight home. I layed down all day until we left for my Dr. appt. The Dr. did another ultrasound and saw that baby was still doing ok. He was concerned about the tear and said if the baby does make it through this we would have to watch closely to see if the tear affects it later down the road. I asked him if there was anything we could do,and his response? "Pray, only God is in control here." What a true statement and a blessing to hear from a Dr. The Dr. scheduled me for another ultrasound 2 weeks later to check on baby's progress. The next two weeks were very hard for us. It was a point where we realized that the life inside me, and our previous baby are not our own. They belong to God and are fully His. He can do whatever He wants and we have to remember His promise in Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."

At the next appt. the ultrasound came back very good, the bleeding stopped and the baby's heart rate was much stronger and it looked like baby was growing pretty much on schedule!! I cried for joy and thanksgiving to God! The Dr. did see the tear and said we would continue to watch it as well as what they called a synichiae- a small piece of scar tissue protruding out from the edge of the uterus which wasn't causing any issues yet since baby was so small. The Dr. also said that when I reached 12 weeks the risk of miscarriage goes way down and at 14 weeks even more so. He was very hopeful!

We slowly let our guard down as we reached 14 weeks and another ultrasound revealed everything was going well and I wasn't having any complications! We finally decided to announce the pregnancy on our anniversary, August 11th. (Our parents knew the day after we found out as well as a few close friends that were praying for us).

The Dr. finally decided that my pregnancy would be considered normal now that everything looked great, the tear wasn't affecting the baby! And the synichiae was just something we would keep an eye on. At 19 weeks we went in and had an ultrasound and Dr. appt. We were going to find out the sex of the baby! Just seeing the baby for the first time look like a miniature baby was indescribable! Tear poured out as the nurse measured the baby and said everything looked perfect! She then revealed that we were have a BOY!!! The look on Danny's face was of pure excitement, joy, shock, thankfulness and it made me cry to see him so incredibly happy! We were going to have a SON!!!!! Danny's parents came with us and they were also elated! The Dr. appt went well and the Dr was very pleased with how the baby looked and said the synichiae was still there but still not yet affecting him.

Since then I am now 29 weeks pregnant with our son, whose name will be Liam Daniel Capper. He is getting big and I love feeling him move! Its like God's way of comforting me that the baby is doing well. The last ultrasound my mom was able to come to which was extremely special. The nurse did a 4D picture of his face and I swear he looks just like Danny! We will keep you posted on the pregnancy as I get closer to labor and delivery! Also the Dr. said that the synichiae was completely gone....what? Oh praise our God!! Scar tissue was gone? Only God can do that!!!!

Part 2

Welcome back! Here goes more of our story. Get your tissues ready!

So 4 months after I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease I was doing very well on the medication I was taking. It was April 22nd (the day before Danny's Birthday) and I woke up earlier than normal because I just didn't feel right. I had been feeling this way for about a week, but not bad enough to worry. I decided at 5:45 am that I would take a pregnancy test. First of all, let me back up.

We were told about 2 years before this that we would need to pursue fertility treatment to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. We were so sad to hear this and decided after lots of prayer and talking together, NOT to pursue fertility and force the issue.We knew our God was bigger than any anatomical,or health issue so we dropped it.

So for me to think "I'm going to take a pregnancy test" I thought at the same time, "I'm wasting money doing this!". I had taken so many just a couple years before with always a "Negative".
I fought myself for a good ten minutes before I just thought "why not?"So I took it, and then regretted it as I went on my way getting ready for work. They only take UP to 3 minutes but I took a shower and then about 15 minutes later decided to take a look, knowing it would be negative.

OMGosh......are you kidding me?!! THE TEST WAS POSITIVE!! IT SAID "PREGNANT"!!!! I freaked. I couldn't breath. I was SHOCKED to say the least. I screamed which woke Danny up and his first though- she's late for work. I ran into the bedroom, jumped on the bed and said "I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The look on Danny's face was priceless. Confusion, sleepiness, and more confusion. I showed him the test and he was speechless. He started to smile a little and then said, "oh man, you ARE pregnant!" After some more celebrating and waking up we were still just as shocked. I immediately remembered I had to get to work but really? After this news I wanted to shout from the rooftops!!!

Later that day, I called the Dr.and scheduled my first appointment and we decided to wait a couple days until Easter to tell Danny's parents. We told mine on Skype the next day. They were so excited!

We did a lot of praying and thanksgiving to God for doing a miracle, and knew it was God alone that could have made this happen. We were excited and still shocked to say the least. My first Dr.appointment went well and the Dr. said all looked good so far. Even at only 6 weeks pregnant we were able to hear our child's heartbeat. How good is our God!!?

On May 7th, I had some weird symptoms that were bad enough to cause us to go to the emergency room. We were really still shocked from finding out we were pregnant and very overwhelmed because of some bleeding I was experiencing. After tests and an ultrasound the Dr.told us the devastating news that our baby had died. I had had a miscarriage. I cry even now as I write this, the pain of losing a baby is severe, and uncontrollable. I cried on Danny's shoulder for what seemed like eternity, and wondered why? This had been such a miracle, why did our baby get taken away? Deep sadness I had never experienced before, anger, and loneliness were just some of the emotions I was dealing with.

I must say, the healing process is still going on, and that the answers to the questions I asked even at the hospital, I already knew them. My God is God. He created all, and my life, Danny's life, our child's life is NOT ours, it belongs wholly to our good and gracious God. I truly can say that even in the darkest moment when we first found out we lost the baby, I knew my God is ALWAYS good. I prayed, and prayed the He would receive glory through the miscarriage we endured, and I can say He has. I am, in no way, saying it was easy, or that I wasn't mad, I WAS, but God has layed the foundations of my faith and relationship on Him and I DO trust Him, even though I don't understand. Our God is ruler over His creation, and loved us enough to send His Son to die on the cross for our sinful souls.

Not sure who might read this but some things that really helped during my healing time? Right after we got back from the hospital I did NOT want to talk to ANYONE, NO ONE, not even my family. I would barely talk to Danny. Danny was so sweet, and I thank God for his persistence to pray and do devotions with me, even though I cried through all of it. Hugs, and walks REALLY helped (Danny had to make me and I am SO glad he did) until I was able to talk to other people. Praying was essential, I was honest with my God about being angry but knowing He was in control and knew what was best for me. If you have ever gone through a miscarriage, know this, God is a good and gracious God, and through prayer, time, and God's healing hand there is hope!