Part 2

Welcome back! Here goes more of our story. Get your tissues ready!

So 4 months after I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease I was doing very well on the medication I was taking. It was April 22nd (the day before Danny's Birthday) and I woke up earlier than normal because I just didn't feel right. I had been feeling this way for about a week, but not bad enough to worry. I decided at 5:45 am that I would take a pregnancy test. First of all, let me back up.

We were told about 2 years before this that we would need to pursue fertility treatment to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. We were so sad to hear this and decided after lots of prayer and talking together, NOT to pursue fertility and force the issue.We knew our God was bigger than any anatomical,or health issue so we dropped it.

So for me to think "I'm going to take a pregnancy test" I thought at the same time, "I'm wasting money doing this!". I had taken so many just a couple years before with always a "Negative".
I fought myself for a good ten minutes before I just thought "why not?"So I took it, and then regretted it as I went on my way getting ready for work. They only take UP to 3 minutes but I took a shower and then about 15 minutes later decided to take a look, knowing it would be negative.

OMGosh......are you kidding me?!! THE TEST WAS POSITIVE!! IT SAID "PREGNANT"!!!! I freaked. I couldn't breath. I was SHOCKED to say the least. I screamed which woke Danny up and his first though- she's late for work. I ran into the bedroom, jumped on the bed and said "I'm PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The look on Danny's face was priceless. Confusion, sleepiness, and more confusion. I showed him the test and he was speechless. He started to smile a little and then said, "oh man, you ARE pregnant!" After some more celebrating and waking up we were still just as shocked. I immediately remembered I had to get to work but really? After this news I wanted to shout from the rooftops!!!

Later that day, I called the Dr.and scheduled my first appointment and we decided to wait a couple days until Easter to tell Danny's parents. We told mine on Skype the next day. They were so excited!

We did a lot of praying and thanksgiving to God for doing a miracle, and knew it was God alone that could have made this happen. We were excited and still shocked to say the least. My first Dr.appointment went well and the Dr. said all looked good so far. Even at only 6 weeks pregnant we were able to hear our child's heartbeat. How good is our God!!?

On May 7th, I had some weird symptoms that were bad enough to cause us to go to the emergency room. We were really still shocked from finding out we were pregnant and very overwhelmed because of some bleeding I was experiencing. After tests and an ultrasound the Dr.told us the devastating news that our baby had died. I had had a miscarriage. I cry even now as I write this, the pain of losing a baby is severe, and uncontrollable. I cried on Danny's shoulder for what seemed like eternity, and wondered why? This had been such a miracle, why did our baby get taken away? Deep sadness I had never experienced before, anger, and loneliness were just some of the emotions I was dealing with.

I must say, the healing process is still going on, and that the answers to the questions I asked even at the hospital, I already knew them. My God is God. He created all, and my life, Danny's life, our child's life is NOT ours, it belongs wholly to our good and gracious God. I truly can say that even in the darkest moment when we first found out we lost the baby, I knew my God is ALWAYS good. I prayed, and prayed the He would receive glory through the miscarriage we endured, and I can say He has. I am, in no way, saying it was easy, or that I wasn't mad, I WAS, but God has layed the foundations of my faith and relationship on Him and I DO trust Him, even though I don't understand. Our God is ruler over His creation, and loved us enough to send His Son to die on the cross for our sinful souls.

Not sure who might read this but some things that really helped during my healing time? Right after we got back from the hospital I did NOT want to talk to ANYONE, NO ONE, not even my family. I would barely talk to Danny. Danny was so sweet, and I thank God for his persistence to pray and do devotions with me, even though I cried through all of it. Hugs, and walks REALLY helped (Danny had to make me and I am SO glad he did) until I was able to talk to other people. Praying was essential, I was honest with my God about being angry but knowing He was in control and knew what was best for me. If you have ever gone through a miscarriage, know this, God is a good and gracious God, and through prayer, time, and God's healing hand there is hope!